- by rita
The story of my very last static line progression jump, done right before I left for ZHills and graduated an AFF progression.
Our dropzone was training some new static line jumpmasters over the course of the winter months and sometimes they would accompany us on lifts to observe the "real" jumpmasters dispatching students. With close supervision, they also manned student radio and assisted in our ground training as well. Over the course of that long, cold winter slowly, but surely, they were getting each one of those blocks checked off on their proficiency cards.
Well, let's just say that most of these "jumpmasters in training" were young ... and very, very cute. After working with a bunch of "old farts" over the course of the winter, I sure didn't mind playing "test crash dummy" for these new guys.
On this last jump, I get a guy I haven't worked with yet. Oh, baby! This one is exceptionally cute! Full head of blonde hair, nice compact body, cute ass, and the most gorgeous blue eyes you ever did see. Best of all, he seemed really nice, really patient. He wasn't going to shout at me if I went and "done something stupid", which was the rule, more than the exception in my case. I silently nicknamed him "Blonde SkyGod," and settled myself in for the experience of my life! It was gonna be a great jump!
We complete the ground training. Under the watchful eye of the S&TA, Blonde SkyGod trains me for a five second delay jump, my second attempt at one. Let's just say, the first the weekend before didn't go very well. Head down!
"Be watchful of this one," I heard the S&TA mumble to Blonde SkyGod ... "she'll screw you over up there sure as look at ya. She's developing a taste for that "head down" shit". Nuff said. Blonde SkyGod made sure to be real thorough in my training.
We get geared up and my skygod buddy gives me a thorough gear check. He seems consoled that I managed to put everything on right and didn't route anything underneath of anything else. He carefully ... very, very carefully ... sets my sentinel and with a satisfied nod, motions me to follow him to the airplane. I'm literally skipping behind him.
This lift is four of us ... on a C185 ... myself, a student being dispatched on the rope, an experienced S/L instructor/jumpmaster, and Blonde SkyGod. I knew this was gonna be a nice ride to 'tude especially since he is kneeling right in front of me. God, how I love looking at nice scenery!
We get to 'tude ... but first, time to drop the WDI! Wheeeeee!!! The regular jumpmaster goes first, demonstrates a proper WDI toss. Blonde SkyGod is leaning over me, trying to crane his neck so that he could watch this piece of crepe paper making its slow journey earthward. I'm just smiling and enjoying the ride and the feel of his head ... of curly blonde locks ... occasionally bobbing against my somewhat ample boobs. Never in the history of sport parachuting has a WDI toss been so much fun!
Now it's Blonde SkyGod's turn to drop a WDI. The instructor moves over to give him room to look out the door. I take hold of his grips.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"Just hanging onto you so that you don't fall out," I responded with some concern.
What I didn't want to tell him was that there was no f*cking way I was gonna let him get away from me. Since I wasn't on the rope, the "regular" instructor was gonna let him jumpmaster me. I didn't want to miss this for the world!
Closing the door after the second WDI toss, the pilot went around, while the "regular" instructor got his student ready. We all had to shift ... change positions again in this cramped C185. A Cessna never looked so good to me before.
The other student goes ... I think it's only like her third jump. Bitch! She hangs strut flawlessly. As the pilot takes us around, Blonde SkyGod and the regular jumpmaster are both watching her canopy deploy.
"She's got a great canopy!" Blonde SkyGod enthusiastically announces.
"Oh, good ... then maybe I'll have one too!"
I get a look of pity from both jumpmasters. Surely, she can't be as dumb as she makes herself out to be?
Now it's my turn. Blonde SkyGod is in for the experience of his life! The jumpmaster and he switch positions and then help me to scoot my fat ass over from behind the pilot's seat to the student's position.
"Oops! Shit!" I plop my fat ass down on top of that little fuel selector thingy there on the floor. Both jumpmasters quickly get me the hell off of it, and moved over ... settled safely into position ... away from all such hazards. The pilot is starting to get some color back into his face. I'm just sitting there smiling up at my newfound SkyGod friend. It's funny, he's taking those deep breaths now, just like my other jumpmasters do! Surely no "dumb blonde," this one learns fast!
After checking the spot, he calls for the cut.
"Are you ready to skydive?" He shouts.
"Oh, yes!" I replied breathlessly. God, am I ready!
"Feet stop!" he yells.
"You got it!" I'm scooting my fat ass again, but this time being carefully watched and assisted by both jumpmasters. They don't want no more "mishaps" today. The pilot just wants my fat ass out of there.
Settled into the door, I'm just getting my feet positioned on the step. The wind is not cooperating.
"Get on the strut!" yells Blonde SkyGod. He's no dummy. He's gonna have me go off poised. He's heard all the stories about my hanging antics.
"Wait a minute, honey ... just let me get positioned right here!"
The plane is rapidly getting off the spot, while I'm "adjusting" myself.
Finally I've got my body positioned just right for a climbout. Nodding to SkyGod, I start getting out of the door. This is not easy when the wind is howling and one's ass is fat. But ... working diligently, I manage it in pretty short order. Getting out to the end of the step, I'm leaning over the strut so as not to get blown off by the wind. As instructed, I look back into the plane ... right into my jumpmaster's eyes ... and smile.
"Go!" shouts Blonde SkyGod.
His eyes are soooooo damned blue ... and I love the way his hair is blowing in the wind. His jumpsuit fits so nicely ... outlining the features of his oh, so perfectly toned body! Since the zipper is pulled down ever so slightly, I can see the curly hairs on his otherwise smooth chest ... as the wind plays with them. God! I can't get over it! No one should be allowed to look this good. No one who looks this good should be allowed to get married ... especially to someone else. I knew wifey poo was down on the ground ... so I'd best behave myself. Besides ... she's a really nice lady ... so I don't wanna offend.
I'm standing there, just admiring the scenery, looking into his eyes ... as the spot continues to get "stale." I notice the expressions on each of their faces ... "what the f*ck does she think she's doing?" The jumpmasters are watching me with perplexed looks, while the pilot's expression is more one of disgust. Blonde SkyGod is yelling .. "go, go, go, go!"
I don't even hear him ... the wind roaring in my ears ... I'm just standing there smiling at him ... this really goofy smile.
He's getting this rapidly increasing look of horror on his face. I can just imagine what is going through his mind ... "first student I dispatch and she freezes up on the step. Like I need this?"
Finally, I shake myself out of my "daze." Oh, shit! There's something I should be doing here ... "Go, go, go!" Oops! That's right. I'm supposed to jump. Wheeeeee!!!!!!! Quickly I let go of the strut and launch.
Problem was I forgot to arch. Oops!
As I came around ... out of a perfect backloop, I reach down and pull the orange handle! A perfectly formed bright red chute billows out above my head ... magnificent! Only one problem. I can't see my Blonde SkyGod anymore. And I can hear the voice of the S&TA ... down on the ground ... through my student radio. He don't sound happy. Guess he was getting the play by play from the pilot.
To make a long story less long ... I passed the jump. Bottom line was I pulled stable and pulled within five seconds. But I stopped the hearts of both of the jumpmasters in the plane as I started going head over heels. "Dear God, don't let that dumb bitch pull right now," I can just imagine the regular jumpmaster saying. "Do I really want this job?" I can just imagine Blonde SkyGod wondering.
Is it any wonder that everyone on my dz rejoiced when, after a month's absence, I pranced up to the S&TA ... with my open logbook ... proudly displaying the page that said "cleared to self-jumpmaster?"
The S&TA kissed me ...
Blonde SkyGod bought *me* my beverage that night.
The sad thing was ... I didn't understand why.
Blue ones!
© 1999 rita - kryos@philly.infi.net
